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Go Figure

I am nowhere near the halfway mark of my 7th (out of 9) individual report that I need to submit soon. (Not to mention the other group based reports, so much writing going on yo) But hey, one blog post won’t hurt right…or not.

It is actually amazing that I can actually write that much in less than three months. So much I can achieve when there is a goal in front of me, or a punishment rather. (i.e. still stuck with school if I fail this trimester, it is not that I hate school fyi)

I secretly (not a secret anymore now, lol) craved for someone to push me. Just like how I am pushing my students to practise more. I am not even kidding you when I say I have prepared them a list of almost a month worth of homework for them to do to prepare them for their upcoming exams. (Relax people, it is just 3/4 pages per day)

And there is a strict warning from me of following that list I gave. No, you don’t combine your work or bring it over or do it before I come all at once etc. There is wisdom in doing things regularly. Really. Even if it is easy and you want to do tomorrow’s work today and save time tomorrow etc. No, real work don’t work like that.

So yes, you don’t read tomorrow’s Juz today as to not read any Juz the next day or you don’t pray tomorrow’s Zuhur today as to not do Zuhur tomorrow. (Sepak nak?)

The idea behind it is basically from the saying of Rasulullah sollaahu ‘alaihiwasallam which carries the meaning: the best deeds are those done regularly even if they are few.

But these students and kids have me to make them do what they won’t do it themselves, to check on them whether they are doing it every single day, to correct them when they are wrong, to motivate them when they are lazy and drill them till they succeed.

And adulthood is as such that people are busy to reach their own goal and you need to become your own motivator, pusher, driller, checker and it is honestly…..draining. Especially when you are nowhere near what people would consider ‘average’ and you simply fail every other day.

And asking for help is especially heart-wrenching when people simply don’t understand you or even put you at a high station that as if you can’t suffer what you are suffering. (Like should I go to the extent of removing my hijab to make you realise how deep of a hole I am in?) And halfway in a conversation you’ll simply just go: Why do I even bother asking them for help?

So in the end, it is still you, yourself and you.

Go pick yourself up.

Go figure.

 

 

 

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Sane

I sort of believed that these unpleasant news kept coming in to keep me sane.

It was like a ‘Eureka’ moment for me. I thought to myself ‘So this is what make mothers strong ey….’

Love, baby, love.

Apparently, I found strength from the misfortunate events of my loved ones.

Sort of like ‘I need to be strong to be able to be there for them’.

A kind of a blessing too. My energy focussing on them to the extent that I can’t even dwell into my feelings for far too long for the misfortunate events in my life.

Drama sangat semuannya.

“You okay?”

“If you are soaked, the drizzle won’t affect you.”

❤ اللهم آجرنا في مصيبتنا واخلفنا خيرا منها

 

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Ujian

Kalau tidak kerana diuji dengan penyakit ini.

Tidak akan ku sedar nikmat seteguk air.

Ku lupa nikmat fikiran yang aman.

Akan ku sia-siakan masa lapangku,

kerana ku tidak tahu sebenarnya nilai sesaat itu.

6/6/12