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27 March 2018

It was class number 16.

It was one of, what I considered, easiest and one of my favourite chapter to read.

And I struggled.

I have never repeated a line that many times in front of my teacher.

I got tongue tied, each word felt heavy.

لا حول ولا قوة إلا بالله

Are my sins burdening my recitation now?

أَلَمْ يَأْنِ لِلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوٓا۟ أَن تَخْشَعَ قُلُوبُهُمْ لِذِكْرِ ٱللَّهِ

Has not the time come for the hearts of those who believe (in the Oneness of Allah – Islamic Monotheism) to be affected by Allah’s Reminder (this Quran)

بلى يا رب قد آن. بلى يا رب قد آن.

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Rant on Adab Hati

Ey kenape tk skip je terus?

“Sebab tuhan lagi tahu betapa adab dan akhlaq aku maseh tahap tadika.

Memang pejalaran tu semua senang bagi aku

Tapi tuhan jadi saksi betapa susahnye nk jage hati bile dngr bende yg dh pernah belajar

Bile ustaz slowkan pelajaran sebab classmate kau ade yg dh boleh jadi nenek kau

Tuhan je tahu keadaan hati bile dtng cume dpt 5minit je and orng lain dpt more time.

Kadang kau diletakkn dekat sini bukan sbb tuhan nk ajar kau ilmu tu

Tapi Allah nk ajarkn kau adab

Dan itu lagi awlaa lagi.

Bile kau nk tngk betapa islamnye org tu, kau tngk adab die.

Aku maseh jauh.

Aku maseh tahap fail.

Kau jgn kacau aku, biar aku kt sini.

Biar aku mula dari bawah.

Maafkan aku pakai bahasa kasar aku/kau.”

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The Love Series #13

To the one that is in control of my heart,

I don’t think I have ever come to a (100%) realisation before, that all the feelings I have ever had is one of the proofs of your existence, your control and power over my very being.

إِنَّا لله Truly! To Allah we belong

For the love I have for people and things for absolutely no reason: it strengthens my belief that there is a much greater power that is in control of me. And with that I asked of You, the one that had filled my heart with these love, to make me love those beloved to You, to make me love actions that will draw me closer to You and to grant me Your love.

For the hatred I have for people and things with valid reasons, I asked of You to help me to remember and act upon the verse ‘Do good as Allah has been good to you’. (أحسن كما أحسن الله إليك). Indeed you have only been good to me despite all the disobedience I have done to You.

Maybe that is all is there to it. Falling in love made you wonder where this feeling came from, and only to realise that it came from God.

And when this ‘love’ had left you broken, the only way to mend yourself is to ask the one that had put that ‘love’ to remove it from you, and to mend your heart, caress it and cure it.

And during the process of all that, perhaps that is when you truly fall in love, with the purest form of love, with the one that gives love- God.

Maybe that is all is there to it, to love God.

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Pecah

Kadang, kau dah terlalu keras.

Keras kepala, keras hati.

Maka jalan penyelesaiannya adalah pecah.

Pecah kerana hentaman yang teramat kuat.

Berderai bertaburan ditiup angin.

Baru boleh kau berubah.

Diubahsuaikan menjadi kau yang baru.

Kau yang benar ikut kehendakNya.

Maka sambutlah keadaan itu dengan baik.

Dengan hati yang terbuka, redha dan yakin dengan aturanNya.

Kadang, kau kene pecah untuk jadi kau yang baru.

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Help

You knew I was broken. You knew my heart was already shattered. The soles of my feet were bleeding. My calves were sore. I was sitting down very slowly in your house. Thinking about giving up.

Help.

One of your slaves came by. One of my favourite kind, the furry four-legged cat.

It jumped on me and slept on my lap. I got so excited and I told everyone.

And You knew that. You knew I was going to be so overjoyed.

And when I was moving away, I thought to myself, ‘You forgot you were tired, everything is okay now? Hhmm?’

Help, His help can come by in many forms. Sometimes, it is not in the removal of the problem, but He’ll give you His slaves to assist.

‘No no no, you will still be sick, but I am going to send you this cat to calm you down.’

‘No no no, you will still be sick, but people around you will be able to be patient with you.’

‘No no no, you will still be sick, but I am going to ease your journey there, yes yes hotel near the mosque, everyone will be sleeping when you need to pray in the airplane, you don’t feel like going to the toilet, 5 minutes wait in airport there.’

فَإِنَّ مَعَ ٱلْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا

So verily, with the hardship, there is relief,

إِنَّ مَعَ ٱلْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا

Verily, with the hardship, there is relief.

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Pleading

When you are asking Him,

Rather than focusing on who you are,

Focus on who you are asking from.

We always felt not worthy of those ‘big’ things like heaven or a good spouse,

But are we even worthy enough for anything that He ever gave?

That sip of cold water we just drank, the ability to close our eyelids, the steps that we walked or the breath that we just took?

What have we ever done to even deserve all that?

You see, it is not that we are worthy enough for anything, but it is that He, who is God, who is Arrazzaq, Arrahmaan, Arrahiim, who is worthy of giving,

And so much more.