I was at the second last row for taraawiih prayers and I was thinking to myself :
You know what. It was too hard for you to join the jemaah for the past few years.
You’ll be anywhere at the back for now.
But maybe, just maaybe, one day He’ll make it easy for you to be at the front row. Allahumma aamiin.
Take a pen and a piece of paper
If you can’t then close your eyes
What do want in this life?
If I ask you to list at least five
What will if be?
I can assure you marrying that person will not be in it
You want peace
His forgiveness and His redha
To be able to see Him and His beloved صلى الله عليه وسلم
To be able to practice His religion and his sunnah
To be able to enter Jannah together with your parents without hisab
Yes its gonna hurt
But now look
Its the reason now you go to Him saying
R: Why do you love?
Why is it so hard?
Why subject urself to hurt if theres a possibility of not gg anywhere?
A: Love is an intruder and life is a test. Remember the goal.
Maybe you will be rewarded for correctly directing that love.
Maybe you will be rewarded for not having a relationship with him.
Maybe you will be rewarded for trying to get him out of your head.
Maybe you will be rewarded if you ever feel hurt in the end.
Maybe you will be rewarded for being content with His decree that it just wasn’t meant to be.
Maybe the purpose of it all was just to test you. The love you felt was so that Allah will replace it with a much sweeter reward. Maybe His love. Maybe His love…
Allah…wrap and fill our hearts with your love.
I did not want to
But I was forced to anyway
Caught up in a situation
Which I put myself there in the first place
Now I am being cornered
There is simply no other way
In other words
I was simply pushed
It penetrates through this heart
No no wait,
It was as if pain was from within this heart
But I know
It was as if,
By pushing me
I was supposed to realize
Just how far i can jump
As if on a broken bridge
I was underestimating my strength
And overestimating the gap
Being pessimistic as i usually am
As if on the edge of a cliff
Like an eagle with a sharp vision
And powerful wings
I did not know they ever worked till then
And it was as if i was pushed so that this hope of mine shattered
To only making me see the light of another hope that i desire to see in my life
Too long in this dark tunnel
That glimpse of light just lift me up
From almost dragging to running
Really, there is hope
Now forget jumping,
There is a saying which states that
When you are feeling the heaviness of the load
When you know you are struggling
When the journey is so hard that it cracks your heart
It means that you are climbing
It means that you are moving forward
It means that you are making an effort
Yes i feel the load
I am overwhelmed
By the circumstances placed all around
I keep looking back
Maybe i should turn back
Maybe this is a bad idea
Maybe i should have not wasted my time
The thing is
I am full of scratches now
Blue black bruises
Deep cuts and severely wounded
I am scared
That if i ever get over this
Would I become a happier person
Or just, Broken.
Walked into this life
And willingly got attached
Then broke a heart
Just because this was repeated:
‘I love you’
Fear of attachment
Prefer being in seclusion
Others came and were hurt
Because this was hardly say to them:
‘I love you too’
P/s: this is no where near a boy-girl relationship. It was obvious, in a way, because of the ‘them’.
Intentionally deleted out the first-person from the original text. It appears more vague and more appealing to me. So it can be ‘then i/you broke a heart’.
Having fun with words 😀