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11th Ramadhan 1438

I was at the second last row for taraawiih prayers and I was thinking to myself : 

You know what. It was too hard for you to join the jemaah for the past few years.

You’ll be anywhere at the back for now. 

But maybe, just maaybe, one day He’ll make it easy for you to be at the front row. Allahumma aamiin.

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Pushed- edited version

I did not want to
But I was forced to anyway
Caught up in a situation
Which I put myself there in the first place
Now I am being cornered
There is simply no other way

In other words
I was simply pushed
Deeply hurt
It penetrates through this heart
No no wait,
It was as if pain was from within this heart

But I know

It was as if,
By pushing me
I was supposed to realize
Just how far i can jump

As if on a broken bridge
I was underestimating my strength
And overestimating the gap
Being pessimistic as i usually am

As if on the edge of a cliff
Like an eagle with a sharp vision
And powerful wings
I did not know they ever worked till then

And it was as if i was pushed so that this hope of mine shattered
but…
To only making me see the light of another hope that i desire to see in my life

Too long in this dark tunnel
That glimpse of light just lift me up
From almost dragging to running
Really, there is hope

Now forget jumping,
Im flying

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Broken- Not!

Decided to continue the last entry. Have good thought of ar-Rahman ar-Rahiim 🙂

The pens had been lifted and dried
Come what may
Shattared in any way
Im going to reach the end anyway

I keep looking back
Again
But now smiling

As if in a game of minion rush
Where you pick up bananas
I had picked up knowledge
That will guide me through

All is going to be fine
InsyaAllah
Have good thoughts
Of He who created you from nothing
So how could He not cure a created soul?
And how could He not let you through
When He is the one who had brought you to it.

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Broken

There is a saying which states that
When you are feeling the heaviness of the load
When you know you are struggling
When the journey is so hard that it cracks your heart
It means that you are climbing
It means that you are moving forward
It means that you are making an effort

Yes i feel the load
The pressure
I am overwhelmed
By the circumstances placed all around
I keep looking back
Maybe i should turn back
Maybe this is a bad idea
Maybe i should have not wasted my time

The thing is
I am full of scratches now
Blue black bruises
Deep cuts and severely wounded

I am scared 
That if i ever get over this
Would I become a happier person
Or just, Broken.