Life in the Hereafter

People don’t believe me when I say I am Malay,
nor are they confident when I say I am Singaporean.

And probably because of the way I dress,
they thought I graduated from Azhar.

Surprised when I shared that I went to a polytehnic;
“Oh, but you were from a madrasah right?”

Too inferior to sit among the asatizahs,
too disturbed to be among the ones who randomly curse.

Part time tutor
and full time I-have-no-idea.

Never quite fit in to any checkboxes,
neither fully this nor that.

Maybe this serves as a stark reminder;
“You don’t belong here, my dear”

Maybe this serves as a stark reminder;
Of life in the hereafter.


Bermanja denganNya

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

I just liked Ustazah HJ puts it, kadang Allah bagi masalah jadi kite boleh manje-manje dengan Allah🌹

Isn’t it the case? We usually call Him out wholeheartedly when our heart is in pieces?

And as how Ustazah Halimah Alaydrus puts it in her book, Tutur Hati:

Dalam setiap seruanmu memanggil

‘Ya Allah…’

Terdapat jawapan-Nya,

‘Hamba-Ku….Akulah untukmu.’


Lord of the Worlds

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

I am just reading this section of the book and came across this…(in which I would like to out it here):

Ada sebuah hikayat dari “al-Muwaffaq al-Zahid”: Ketika aku telah selesai mengerjakan haji sebanyak enam puluh kali, aku duduk di dekat saluran air Masjidil Haram. Kemudian aku berpikir, “Sampai berapa kali lagi aku akan mendatangi masjid ini?” Lalu aku pun tertidur, saat itu ada yang berkata: “Wahai Muwaffaq, jika engkau punya rumah besar yang bisa menampung semua tamumu, apakah engkau akan memanggil semua tamumu untuk datang lagi ke rumahmu? Engkau pasti mengundang sebahagian dari mereka yang engkau cintai dan mereka mencintaimu saja, demikian halnya keadaanmu seperti itu”.

Which made me think of how blessed I am to chosen by Him to be able to say There is no God but Allah. Ever so grateful that with all the weaknesses, limitations that I have and grave sins that I have done, He still allows me to stand in prayer, in front of such majestic presence, the Lord of the Worlds.


Rant on Adab Hati

Ey kenape tk skip je terus?

“Sebab tuhan lagi tahu betapa adab dan akhlaq aku maseh tahap tadika.

Memang pejalaran tu semua senang bagi aku

Tapi tuhan jadi saksi betapa susahnye nk jage hati bile dngr bende yg dh pernah belajar

Bile ustaz slowkan pelajaran sebab classmate kau ade yg dh boleh jadi nenek kau

Tuhan je tahu keadaan hati bile dtng cume dpt 5minit je and orng lain dpt more time.

Kadang kau diletakkn dekat sini bukan sbb tuhan nk ajar kau ilmu tu

Tapi Allah nk ajarkn kau adab

Dan itu lagi awlaa lagi.

Bile kau nk tngk betapa islamnye org tu, kau tngk adab die.

Aku maseh jauh.

Aku maseh tahap fail.

Kau jgn kacau aku, biar aku kt sini.

Biar aku mula dari bawah.

Maafkan aku pakai bahasa kasar aku/kau.”



You knew I was broken. You knew my heart was already shattered. The soles of my feet were bleeding. My calves were sore. I was sitting down very slowly in your house. Thinking about giving up.


One of your slaves came by. One of my favourite kind, the furry four-legged cat.

It jumped on me and slept on my lap. I got so excited and I told everyone.

And You knew that. You knew I was going to be so overjoyed.

And when I was moving away, I thought to myself, ‘You forgot you were tired, everything is okay now? Hhmm?’

Help, His help can come by in many forms. Sometimes, it is not in the removal of the problem, but He’ll give you His slaves to assist.

‘No no no, you will still be sick, but I am going to send you this cat to calm you down.’

‘No no no, you will still be sick, but people around you will be able to be patient with you.’

‘No no no, you will still be sick, but I am going to ease your journey there, yes yes hotel near the mosque, everyone will be sleeping when you need to pray in the airplane, you don’t feel like going to the toilet, 5 minutes wait in airport there.’

فَإِنَّ مَعَ ٱلْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا

So verily, with the hardship, there is relief,

إِنَّ مَعَ ٱلْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا

Verily, with the hardship, there is relief.



When you are asking Him,

Rather than focusing on who you are,

Focus on who you are asking from.

We always felt not worthy of those ‘big’ things like heaven or a good spouse,

But are we even worthy enough for anything that He ever gave?

That sip of cold water we just drank, the ability to close our eyelids, the steps that we walked or the breath that we just took?

What have we ever done to even deserve all that?

You see, it is not that we are worthy enough for anything, but it is that He, who is God, who is Arrazzaq, Arrahmaan, Arrahiim, who is worthy of giving,

And so much more.