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U

Sometimes it is not necessarily because of one particular incident. It is not necessarily because of U. Most of the time it is because A B C D E F G………..Q R S T that happened before U came. And for whatever reason, U accidentally became the trigger point for the eruption of all those compressed feelings inside.

U are not necessarily the problem, or not.

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Go Figure

I am nowhere near the halfway mark of my 7th (out of 9) individual report that I need to submit soon. (Not to mention the other group based reports, so much writing going on yo) But hey, one blog post won’t hurt right…or not.

It is actually amazing that I can actually write that much in less than three months. So much I can achieve when there is a goal in front of me, or a punishment rather. (i.e. still stuck with school if I fail this trimester, it is not that I hate school fyi)

I secretly (not a secret anymore now, lol) craved for someone to push me. Just like how I am pushing my students to practise more. I am not even kidding you when I say I have prepared them a list of almost a month worth of homework for them to do to prepare them for their upcoming exams. (Relax people, it is just 3/4 pages per day)

And there is a strict warning from me of following that list I gave. No, you don’t combine your work or bring it over or do it before I come all at once etc. There is wisdom in doing things regularly. Really. Even if it is easy and you want to do tomorrow’s work today and save time tomorrow etc. No, real work don’t work like that.

So yes, you don’t read tomorrow’s Juz today as to not read any Juz the next day or you don’t pray tomorrow’s Zuhur today as to not do Zuhur tomorrow. (Sepak nak?)

The idea behind it is basically from the saying of Rasulullah sollaahu ‘alaihiwasallam which carries the meaning: the best deeds are those done regularly even if they are few.

But these students and kids have me to make them do what they won’t do it themselves, to check on them whether they are doing it every single day, to correct them when they are wrong, to motivate them when they are lazy and drill them till they succeed.

And adulthood is as such that people are busy to reach their own goal and you need to become your own motivator, pusher, driller, checker and it is honestly…..draining. Especially when you are nowhere near what people would consider ‘average’ and you simply fail every other day.

And asking for help is especially heart-wrenching when people simply don’t understand you or even put you at a high station that as if you can’t suffer what you are suffering. (Like should I go to the extent of removing my hijab to make you realise how deep of a hole I am in?) And halfway in a conversation you’ll simply just go: Why do I even bother asking them for help?

So in the end, it is still you, yourself and you.

Go pick yourself up.

Go figure.

 

 

 

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Breakdowns

Maybe we have been around each other far too long and perhaps our soul kind of need each other.

Maybe it is not the people or the place. Maybe we are just missing each other’s company.

Maybe we just need to be like we used to be.

Maybe we need to be in the same school, same class and same tuition.

Maybe we need to buy two ice lemon teas and two paddlepops.

Maybe we need each other’s shoulder and lap to sleep on.

Maybe I need you to bring me snacks.

Maybe I need you to talk to me.

Maybe you need me to listen.

Maybe I took a piece of you,

And maybe you took a piece of me.

And that is why we almost always feel….like there is something not right.

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‘Nak Jalan-Jalan’

Yes of course I am a little bit sad because….I chose to not follow them to buy things in JB because of some circumstances that I am in. But instead of being all sad, it is better to think of the people that had put up with me throughout this phase of mine. 

O Allah, make it just a phase that I am going through and take me to next phase as how I was suddenly brought into this phase. 

Okay so much for wanting to follow coz ‘nak jalan-jalan’, after all, bersiar-siarnye orang beriman adalah membuat ketaatan dan membaca hadith-hadith Rasulullah صلى الله عليه وسلم kaaaaan.

May Allah make us true believers♥️

InsyaAllah