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Teaching Experience

I feel like writing but I don’t feel like editing. So this post will most likely be my raw thoughts i.e all over the place and grammatically wrong.

One of the things I’ve learnt after teaching for around 8 years now (oh wow?!) is that Allah grants people with different talents. Very different strengths and weaknesses. Rezeki orang lain-lain.

Take for example me and my best friend. I am good in maths, I got distinctions over the years, maths is something I am comfortable with, a subject that I dare speak up in class if the teacher is wrong.

But english, nope. That’s my best friend’s territory, that is her A1 subject (and my worst subject ever). Up until today, I must think hard whether to use has, have, had, has been or had been…. it does not come naturally for me.

You get what I mean?

And these differences in strengths and weaknesses is also a result of how we have been brought up.

I sometimes teach Quran. There were times I asked students to memorise the sujud tilawah prayer. I chose for them the shortest one I can find, which is around 6 words. As a madrasah student, I can memorise the prayer perhaps in less than a minute. Why? Because I was brought up in an environment where I need to memorise a lot and of course because I understand arabic.

I can tell you that my student can take up to 20 minutes just to memorise that line. Why? Because she don’t understand arabic and she was not trained to memorise things.

When I am teaching, I always need to know my students’ background, strengths and weaknesses.

If I don’t then I might accidentally blurt out things like ‘why are you so slow???’

Get it? We are all different and we are all trained differently.

I was perhaps trained to study. I literally enjoyed studying. And I am someone that had tuition for literally every subject since kindergarten up till PSLE. Students are usually sent to a weekday madrasah or a weekend madrasah during kindergarten, guess what, I was sent to both.

I rarely played sports. I hate getting my hair wet. I prefer books. And talking to random people I don’t know can freak me out.

Personally I think people don’t realise how much time I spend my life studying and not meeting people that talking to people can really take a toll on me.

Do outgoing people get it? Maybe some would. Or not. Why? Because it is ‘just talking to people’. If I were to use it to these people it will be like ‘it is just maths, why can’t you do completing the square? Really.’

My body was not trained to endure much physical training. Maybe you can let me sit for a 3-hours lecture and maybe I am still concentrating. But a half hour training? Maybe not. But maybe someone else can. But in the future, with the right training, can I endure it? InsyaAllah yes. But it might take time right?

Once I understand this, I have stopped expecting people to get the grades I have achieved. I began to understand how something that I enjoyed so much like maths can be torturous for some.

What teachers need to do is to acknowledge these strengths and weaknesses: Okay I know you are not good at this, but slowly okay, we can do this. And for some, it will take time, believe me it will.

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Numb

I never thought of it this way, well until one fine day.

I am not judging anyone of you people out there, but I always see is as an aib or a flaw if I was caught continuously watching something. Like how messed up am I that I continuously watch shows or videos. How low can my standard of living be. No, you were not made for this. How could you stoop so low watching things that could never benefit you and worst, harm your afterlife.

But interestingly enough, I am simply numbing myself aren’t I?

‘No, don’t think of that office job. No, no more bursting your lips. Nah, no more Macs during lunch. Nope, no more nasty toilets. Nope.’

And for some reason, unless you mix around with the right people, nobody is going to highlight that to you. Nobody is going to ‘Hey, you are kind of getting too deep in this mess.’

Except for some, or I mean, well….one.

‘You are watching Finding Dory?’……and ‘Your motive? (of sending me your funny pictures)’

Not many people will remind you your purpose in life. What is your intention in doing that? Will this benefit you or anyone? You are not created to waste time, please wake up, you are getting good at that (wasting time).

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Tired

Have anyone ever had those moments where you kept on thinking and thinking till thinking actually hurts? Almost like an overworked machine and you somehow tried to stop it but you can’t? But at least, it is better now. It used to be vivid voices inside my head. And in those days, there is such a thing as a voice call. So when the voices got louder, I’ll call her till I fall asleep. But things aren’t so simple now. Apparently all of us don’t hear each other’s voices over a phone call. We whatsapp now, most of the times, void of feelings. We hide our true feelings behind emojis. Everything is complicated now. It used to be just school. Now there is work, other relationships and other stuffs. Even people are not okay. Now everyone is tired. Isn’t that what everybody says?

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Triangle

At some point of our lives, I think each and every one of us will come across people that genuinely care for us yet we don’t really like them. And then there are people that we actually love them but they don’t really care about us🤷🏻‍♀️

And with that, always remember that in whatever situation, you are dealing with Allah. Deal with the person how He wants you to. Life is a test. This is one of the tests.

It is hard? Absolutely 100%. 

Do I want to hang out with you? Nope. No. Why do I want to.

Taat. Taat. Taat. Jangan ikut perasaan sangat. 

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U

Sometimes it is not necessarily because of one particular incident. It is not necessarily because of U. Most of the time it is because A B C D E F G………..Q R S T that happened before U came. And for whatever reason, U accidentally became the trigger point for the eruption of all those compressed feelings inside.

U are not necessarily the problem, or not.

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Go Figure

I am nowhere near the halfway mark of my 7th (out of 9) individual report that I need to submit soon. (Not to mention the other group based reports, so much writing going on yo) But hey, one blog post won’t hurt right…or not.

It is actually amazing that I can actually write that much in less than three months. So much I can achieve when there is a goal in front of me, or a punishment rather. (i.e. still stuck with school if I fail this trimester, it is not that I hate school fyi)

I secretly (not a secret anymore now, lol) craved for someone to push me. Just like how I am pushing my students to practise more. I am not even kidding you when I say I have prepared them a list of almost a month worth of homework for them to do to prepare them for their upcoming exams. (Relax people, it is just 3/4 pages per day)

And there is a strict warning from me of following that list I gave. No, you don’t combine your work or bring it over or do it before I come all at once etc. There is wisdom in doing things regularly. Really. Even if it is easy and you want to do tomorrow’s work today and save time tomorrow etc. No, real work don’t work like that.

So yes, you don’t read tomorrow’s Juz today as to not read any Juz the next day or you don’t pray tomorrow’s Zuhur today as to not do Zuhur tomorrow. (Sepak nak?)

The idea behind it is basically from the saying of Rasulullah sollaahu ‘alaihiwasallam which carries the meaning: the best deeds are those done regularly even if they are few.

But these students and kids have me to make them do what they won’t do it themselves, to check on them whether they are doing it every single day, to correct them when they are wrong, to motivate them when they are lazy and drill them till they succeed.

And adulthood is as such that people are busy to reach their own goal and you need to become your own motivator, pusher, driller, checker and it is honestly…..draining. Especially when you are nowhere near what people would consider ‘average’ and you simply fail every other day.

And asking for help is especially heart-wrenching when people simply don’t understand you or even put you at a high station that as if you can’t suffer what you are suffering. (Like should I go to the extent of removing my hijab to make you realise how deep of a hole I am in?) And halfway in a conversation you’ll simply just go: Why do I even bother asking them for help?

So in the end, it is still you, yourself and you.

Go pick yourself up.

Go figure.