You are that dream I never thought would one day become my nightmare.

I never thought that that feeling could even be felt when I am asleep.

I ran far far away from everything you but

Why is it that I still see you.


He Listens, He Answers, He is talking to you.

When you are searching for that one verse to remind you to not look at what He gave others but you can’t seem find it. But then you stood behind the imam, and he reads out the exact verse that you are looking for:

وَلَا تَمُدَّنَّ عَيْنَيْكَ إِلَىٰ مَا مَتَّعْنَا بِهِۦٓ أَزْوَٰجًا مِّنْهُمْ زَهْرَةَ ٱلْحَيَوٰةِ ٱلدُّنْيَا لِنَفْتِنَهُمْ فِيهِ ۚ وَرِزْقُ رَبِّكَ خَيْرٌ وَأَبْقَىٰ

And strain not your eyes in longing for the things We have given for enjoyment to various groups of them (polytheists and disbelievers in the Oneness of Allah), the splendour of the life of this world that We may test them thereby. But the provision (good reward in the Hereafter) of your Lord is better and more lasting.

When you are mad at yourself for being you and your mind starts to have all the debate about if only you are like everyone else. And then the imam reads the verse:

سَلَٰمٌ عَلَيْكُم بِمَا صَبَرْتُمْ ۚ فَنِعْمَ عُقْبَى ٱلدَّارِ

“Salamun ‘Alaikum (peace be upon you) for that you persevered in patience! Excellent indeed is the final home!”

Such ‘coincidence’.



Sometimes, it is not about those that were present in every anniversaries, every birthdays, graduations and all the big events in your life.

Well, they matter.

But sometimes, it is about those that were always present in every 3am breakdowns, every confused moments, every roller coaster ride (metaphorically speaking), every frustration and every teardrop.

You are lucky if there is even one around.

Keep them.



I am just that person that don’t like people to wait for me and would ask people to go first.

And I am also the one that will say to myself ‘See, you’ll never fit in. Who in the world will wait for you. Pergh.’


As much as I am used to it, there will be times that, you know, that feeling when you r weakness is staring straight back at you.

Turtle it is.

Turtle it is.

Slow and steady wins the race.



بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

“Ummi (mother), I asked ustaz (teacher) that day about my friends. How come they sin but I don’t see Allah punishing them…”

“What did he reply you?”

“He asked me to ask them whether they pray tahajjud. Why?”

“Uwais, what kind of punishment do you expect? Isn’t it enough of a punishment for a believer that Allah did not honour them with His remembrance? When he did not invite you by waking you up in the middle of the night to be in His presence when everyone is asleep?

Uwais, you complained about not being able to be consistent in reading the Quran, review what you have done. Look at your deeds.”


14th Jan

13th of Jan went on smoothly. 9-3pm lecture. 4-5.15pm tuition. 8-10pm lecture. There were some hiccups along the way, but okay…. Alhamdulillah. I take it.

14th of Jan started of real bad. But I didn’t cry. I don’t know if I should be worry about that. Is this a sign of strength? Or am I too numb to feel anything anymore.

“Collect yourself!”

It is as if pieces of me have been shattered for far too long that I can’t seem to even remember if that piece ever belonged to me.

“Collect myself? I don’t even know myself anymore.”