I have been trying to get back on track and so I have been asking some people ‘So what happened? What made you change into a better person?’ to get some sort of push to help me back on track…

And so today I thought to myself ‘Hey, so what made you changed?’

I guess I’ll slowly blogged it here for my own reference hah? May it benefits…

And you, what made you change?


27 March 2018

It was class number 16.

It was one of, what I considered, easiest and one of my favourite chapter to read.

And I struggled.

I have never repeated a line that many times in front of my teacher.

I got tongue tied, each word felt heavy.

لا حول ولا قوة إلا بالله

Are my sins burdening my recitation now?

أَلَمْ يَأْنِ لِلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوٓا۟ أَن تَخْشَعَ قُلُوبُهُمْ لِذِكْرِ ٱللَّهِ

Has not the time come for the hearts of those who believe (in the Oneness of Allah – Islamic Monotheism) to be affected by Allah’s Reminder (this Quran)

بلى يا رب قد آن. بلى يا رب قد آن.


Rant on Adab Hati

Ey kenape tk skip je terus?

“Sebab tuhan lagi tahu betapa adab dan akhlaq aku maseh tahap tadika.

Memang pejalaran tu semua senang bagi aku

Tapi tuhan jadi saksi betapa susahnye nk jage hati bile dngr bende yg dh pernah belajar

Bile ustaz slowkan pelajaran sebab classmate kau ade yg dh boleh jadi nenek kau

Tuhan je tahu keadaan hati bile dtng cume dpt 5minit je and orng lain dpt more time.

Kadang kau diletakkn dekat sini bukan sbb tuhan nk ajar kau ilmu tu

Tapi Allah nk ajarkn kau adab

Dan itu lagi awlaa lagi.

Bile kau nk tngk betapa islamnye org tu, kau tngk adab die.

Aku maseh jauh.

Aku maseh tahap fail.

Kau jgn kacau aku, biar aku kt sini.

Biar aku mula dari bawah.

Maafkan aku pakai bahasa kasar aku/kau.”


Etiquette of the Heart: Husnuzzhan towards the Teacher

The class ended early, again. But this time, it was way early. It was 9.02pm when he stopped talking on the slides. We were supposed to end at 9.30pm. (Okay to be fair, he went on some Q&A till before 9.15pm or so before dismissing us)

Logically, I felt that the teacher can at least cover the introduction of the next topic or so, and mind you, we are behind schedule. I felt robbed in a way, I paid didn’t I? But then again, is there any price that you can actually attach to knowledge?

I just want to put it here, a reminder to myself, that what mattered most in the pursuit of seeking knowledge, especially religious knowledge, is not necessarily the knowledge itself. There are other factors to take note such as the etiquettes of seeking knowledge.

In this particular incident, I think the best advice I can find is of Imam Burhan al-Din: “In the quest of learning in early times, the students entrusted their affairs of learning to their teacher, and in this manner did they reach their goals and aims. But nowadays they make their own choices and fail to reach their objectives in religious and legal knowledge.”

Maybe the teacher knew most of our brains were already fried and can’t take in more information just now. Maybe?

Kita nak cari keberkatan dalam mencari ilmu itu, maka husnuzzhan lah pada guru. Semoga kita semua sampai pada Tuhan.


The Love Series #13

To the one that is in control of my heart,

I don’t think I have ever come to a (100%) realisation before, that all the feelings I have ever had is one of the proofs of your existence, your control and power over my very being.

إِنَّا لله Truly! To Allah we belong

For the love I have for people and things for absolutely no reason: it strengthens my belief that there is a much greater power that is in control of me. And with that I asked of You, the one that had filled my heart with these love, to make me love those beloved to You, to make me love actions that will draw me closer to You and to grant me Your love.

For the hatred I have for people and things with valid reasons, I asked of You to help me to remember and act upon the verse ‘Do good as Allah has been good to you’. (أحسن كما أحسن الله إليك). Indeed you have only been good to me despite all the disobedience I have done to You.

Maybe that is all is there to it. Falling in love made you wonder where this feeling came from, and only to realise that it came from God.

And when this ‘love’ had left you broken, the only way to mend yourself is to ask the one that had put that ‘love’ to remove it from you, and to mend your heart, caress it and cure it.

And during the process of all that, perhaps that is when you truly fall in love, with the purest form of love, with the one that gives love- God.

Maybe that is all is there to it, to love God.