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Pecah

Kadang, kau dah terlalu keras.

Keras kepala, keras hati.

Maka jalan penyelesaiannya adalah pecah.

Pecah kerana hentaman yang teramat kuat.

Berderai bertaburan ditiup angin.

Baru boleh kau berubah.

Diubahsuaikan menjadi kau yang baru.

Kau yang benar ikut kehendakNya.

Maka sambutlah keadaan itu dengan baik.

Dengan hati yang terbuka, redha dan yakin dengan aturanNya.

Kadang, kau kene pecah untuk jadi kau yang baru.

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Help

You knew I was broken. You knew my heart was already shattered. The soles of my feet were bleeding. My calves were sore. I was sitting down very slowly in your house. Thinking about giving up.

Help.

One of your slaves came by. One of my favourite kind, the furry four-legged cat.

It jumped on me and slept on my lap. I got so excited and I told everyone.

And You knew that. You knew I was going to be so overjoyed.

And when I was moving away, I thought to myself, ‘You forgot you were tired, everything is okay now? Hhmm?’

Help, His help can come by in many forms. Sometimes, it is not in the removal of the problem, but He’ll give you His slaves to assist.

‘No no no, you will still be sick, but I am going to send you this cat to calm you down.’

‘No no no, you will still be sick, but people around you will be able to be patient with you.’

‘No no no, you will still be sick, but I am going to ease your journey there, yes yes hotel near the mosque, everyone will be sleeping when you need to pray in the airplane, you don’t feel like going to the toilet, 5 minutes wait in airport there.’

فَإِنَّ مَعَ ٱلْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا

So verily, with the hardship, there is relief,

إِنَّ مَعَ ٱلْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا

Verily, with the hardship, there is relief.

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You

You are that dream I never thought would one day become my nightmare.

I never thought that that feeling could even be felt when I am asleep.

I ran far far away from everything you but

Why is it that I still see you.

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Pleading

When you are asking Him,

Rather than focusing on who you are,

Focus on who you are asking from.

We always felt not worthy of those ‘big’ things like heaven or a good spouse,

But are we even worthy enough for anything that He ever gave?

That sip of cold water we just drank, the ability to close our eyelids, the steps that we walked or the breath that we just took?

What have we ever done to even deserve all that?

You see, it is not that we are worthy enough for anything, but it is that He, who is God, who is Arrazzaq, Arrahmaan, Arrahiim, who is worthy of giving,

And so much more.

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Intimately Interwoven

I love how Baraka Blue puts it “I proceed with the firm conviction – for what reason I cannot easily say – that below the layers of persona we each wear, there is a place deep within where we all meet.”

All the “Eh! I was about to call/msg you and you beat me to it” or “I just thought about you.” Or “Are you getting married uh? Coz I dreamt you told me you are”

Sometimes, it almost felt like, our ruuh met and talked to each other even before we physically contacted each other.

And for whatever reason too, I think you got the message, even before I can even msg you, that I miss you.

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He Listens, He Answers, He is talking to you.

When you are searching for that one verse to remind you to not look at what He gave others but you can’t seem find it. But then you stood behind the imam, and he reads out the exact verse that you are looking for:

وَلَا تَمُدَّنَّ عَيْنَيْكَ إِلَىٰ مَا مَتَّعْنَا بِهِۦٓ أَزْوَٰجًا مِّنْهُمْ زَهْرَةَ ٱلْحَيَوٰةِ ٱلدُّنْيَا لِنَفْتِنَهُمْ فِيهِ ۚ وَرِزْقُ رَبِّكَ خَيْرٌ وَأَبْقَىٰ

And strain not your eyes in longing for the things We have given for enjoyment to various groups of them (polytheists and disbelievers in the Oneness of Allah), the splendour of the life of this world that We may test them thereby. But the provision (good reward in the Hereafter) of your Lord is better and more lasting.

When you are mad at yourself for being you and your mind starts to have all the debate about if only you are like everyone else. And then the imam reads the verse:

سَلَٰمٌ عَلَيْكُم بِمَا صَبَرْتُمْ ۚ فَنِعْمَ عُقْبَى ٱلدَّارِ

“Salamun ‘Alaikum (peace be upon you) for that you persevered in patience! Excellent indeed is the final home!”

Such ‘coincidence’.