Testing Me Testing You

I realized that some tests in life
Are not only to test me
But to test those around me too
And this, in and of itself, is a great test
Just imagine
That the test of your loved ones
Is you.

It just hurts.


Posting Pictures

Dear You,

Maybe I am thinking too much. I am not comfortable with my pictures getting uploaded in the social networking sites. No I do not post them. So when my friends posted it. I do not know what and how I am suppose to approach the situation.

Firstly, it did not started out this way. I did not mind it at all (Well if my parents do not know of it) If my mum knows it, and if you are my brother then she will ask you to remove it. I do not think she will ask my friends to do the same though. So basically, my parents are sort of against it.

Secondly, from past experiences that made me feel….cheap. Yes that it the word. I do not wish to be looked at. Thank you very much.

Thirdly, I am just a shy person. And I have always wanted to be the same person carrying the same values wherever I go; As how I do not like people to look at me when I am outside, what is the different with putting up pictures online?

So should I ask my pictures to be removed? Or…should I ignore it. And then…so if a person wants to take a picture with me, I should decline? This remind me, yes there are people who, as if they already knew me, tell me beforehand that they would not put it up anywhere.

I was wondering whether I was being too sensetive or overthinking or….full of myself? The norm in the society is making me feel weird.

Then maybe some would question me on why don’t I use a face covering(niqab) when I go out. But that is a totally different point. I can run or hide if someone stares at me. And yes, I do not believe in private accounts being exposed to only accepted friends/followers. As if I was not exposed to a friend using a friend’s friend’s account that was accepted as a friend. Ok wait, I am overthinking? Well blame past experiences. And it is my fault that I even thought about that?

But why let society determine what I should feel? It is like someone who do not eat durian? Why? The smell or the taste. So it is like that right? I do not favour such acts. And that’s it.

In this situation, I learn to respect. Even if I am comfortable with the act of putting it up online, I’ll not do it out of respect towards my parents.

I hope that even if you do not agree with me. I hope you respect my decision. Or at least, respect my parents’s decision. As how I am respecting your decision.

Yours truly,
Nadrah Naim

Current thoughts. Maybe in the future I will have a different opinion. Recording this for my future husband to read;-)


What is Holding Me Back

I do not want to be known

Or if someone already knew me
I do not really want them to

I am not talking about those who I considered close to me

I am referring to those whom just knew me by name

And the fact that every chosen word can lead them to know a little bit more about me totally scares me