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Broken- Not!

Decided to continue the last entry. Have good thought of ar-Rahman ar-Rahiim 🙂

The pens had been lifted and dried
Come what may
Shattared in any way
Im going to reach the end anyway

I keep looking back
Again
But now smiling

As if in a game of minion rush
Where you pick up bananas
I had picked up knowledge
That will guide me through

All is going to be fine
InsyaAllah
Have good thoughts
Of He who created you from nothing
So how could He not cure a created soul?
And how could He not let you through
When He is the one who had brought you to it.

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Broken

There is a saying which states that
When you are feeling the heaviness of the load
When you know you are struggling
When the journey is so hard that it cracks your heart
It means that you are climbing
It means that you are moving forward
It means that you are making an effort

Yes i feel the load
The pressure
I am overwhelmed
By the circumstances placed all around
I keep looking back
Maybe i should turn back
Maybe this is a bad idea
Maybe i should have not wasted my time

The thing is
I am full of scratches now
Blue black bruises
Deep cuts and severely wounded

I am scared 
That if i ever get over this
Would I become a happier person
Or just, Broken.

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Love and Hurt

Walked into this life
And willingly got attached
Then broke a heart
Just because this was repeated:
‘I love you’

Fear of attachment
Prefer being in seclusion
Others came and were hurt
Because this was hardly say to them:
‘I love you too’

27/8/13

P/s: this is no where near a boy-girl relationship. It was obvious, in a way, because of the ‘them’.

Intentionally deleted out the first-person from the original text. It appears more vague and more appealing to me. So it can be ‘then i/you broke a heart’.

Having fun with words 😀

Aside
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Written for ‘Values Reflection’ for one of my modules.
Edited version.

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I was second guessing my decision to choose between getting a diploma instead of A-levels. In which I can still be in an islamic surrounding which I am familiar and comfortable with. I recalled back the fact that one of my seniors quit The Polytechnic only after the orientation day because of culture shock and joined Pre-University in my school.

The surrounding is definitely different, no doubt about that. Free mixing between girls and guys and too short of shorts, I can sort of expect that. What I did not was the language which was being used; the vulgarities and rudeness in the tones. And some of the teachers use it too. And I am in the field of Business, in which I believed that meet ups with people happened, a lot.

This forced me to think to myself to the fact that is this how everyone is talking nowadays, in this era of ‘civilised’ nation? As to when business people meet up with each other, is this the normal language? Or are they strong enough to be able to refrain their tongue to talk in such manner in meetings? Is that possible?

Forget using such language during meetings. Is this how people nowadays talk at home? In front of their children?

As an individual, I have recognised that everyone is a role model, a leader. Everyone is as if a shepherd and responsible for his flock. To some degree I have a responsibility towards my younger brother and my students for example.

I cannot simply use vulgarities in front of them. Majority would agree and understood this. Because they are young and these kind of languages should not be used then etc. Imagine if pre-school teachers talk like that…

But why only see it being not appropriate because someone is a pre-school teacher? In my opinion, I have a responsibility too towards the parents of my friends to act in which they approved of. Going out with my friends, socializing with them with the best of manner I can possibly be. As if imagining that they are my child, and I expect their friends and teachers to not show them bad examples.

This may sound harsh, but honestly, The Polytechnic was as if my battlefield. This is where I test my own attitudes and actions. Before, I was comfortable in the Islamic environment practicing what I hold on to. And it was easy because majority was doing it. But here, it is as if I am against the flow.

I advised myself that if I am a teacher, be their friend and feel free to talk to them regarding the topic that they are interested in. Be it, k-Pop or j-Pop or Biebers. But never do you talk in the way they are talking if it is rude and full of vulgarities. Never drop down your standards to fit in. I am a part of the future generation. And the fact that the morality and attitude is deteriorating scares me.

I am also a future mother of my children. Maybe this is too young for me to think about marriage but if I could add in about parenting, this is from a Malaysian blogger in which he says: Parenting starts before marriage, and the first child you raise is yourself.

Maybe I cannot change the whole campus. But hey, everything begins with a small step. If I could carry on this principle to just one person around me, then maybe another person will pass it on to another and then another. And if all fails, I will pass it on to my own children and family, hoping that maybe someday the world could become a better place.

On life in Polytechnic

“You could either become one of the two.

Either you would see the beauty of Islam and hold on to it tightly

Or, you could just go with the flow imitating them in their attitudes and actions”

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Then again, it is not only in the mentioned ‘The Polytechnic’ that this deterioration of akhlaq is happening. This is like the current world’s problem. Oh No.

p/s: Ignore the bad english. The purpose of this blog is to well, improve my english. Heh. =D Peace